The moonlight hit the shoreline. With it, washed away everything else but the feeling of being secure. Radiated around you, and took with it, all my words except, "I'm yours."

Amazement.

Text message.
Roses.
Giant teddy bear.
I love you.
Simple words, decribing simple glimpses of the perfection that filled today.
I can't quite sum up how amazing and perfect today was. Everything was perfect.
What a perfect day, to feel love.
I am in love with this kid, and today was a show of how much he and I both know it.
<3

Reinvent Love.

Good morning, sunny California.
Today is, supposedly, the most loving day of all; Valentine's day.
Miraculously, my life decided to bless me with a valentine, this year. The first valentine I've ever had, in my life.
And you know what? I have the best one in the world, and I could never ask for anymore. He makes me happier than anyone could ever try to, and I am exponentially greatful for that. The most amazing fact about him though? I believe he is just as much in love with me as I am, with him.
Honestly.

Well, I hope you all have an amazing day.
I'm hoping I do, as well.



Reinvent Love,
AA

Perfection and more.

All I need is time, and I know it'll all be fine.

Katie and Ryan told me about Isles & Glaciers the other day. Utterly amazing.

You were extra super sweet today. And I loved it.
You made my entire day, every last bit of it.
From beginning, to end.
I love you so much.

I looked at you and said that I'm forever yours
You looked at me and said oh the idea of being in love
The idea of being forever yours.

new.

i need to be skinnier.
i'm gonna officially cut the coffee, soda, and sweets. that should help.
no more eating just because, even when I know I shouldn't.
since when did i become 101? That's shockingly terrible. Ugh.

Things are about to change, and very interestingly, at that.
Let's see if she doesn't make it a complete disaster.

Forever.

At the age of fifteen, it's naive to think that the concept of forever, when it comes to love, is even a possibility.
However, I'm not your average fifteen year old.
I believe and want the possibility of forever.
Honestly.
I want the assurance of forever, even if I am this young.
It's just how I feel.

A little more.

"You keep tugging on my shirt
Just to pull me closer."
God, I love that lyric.

Chiodosareamazing,yestheyare.

<3

Wait.

"I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been."

Today was just so, perfectly right.
Everything in my life is looking up.
I have the confidence, and the faith.
And now, the assurance.

Gosh, I hold back so much on this.
I started an actual journal.
Nothing fancy; Kurt Cobain status.
Little spiral notebook, but I write every single thought I have in it.
I love it so much!

Ah, we don't have to hide it anymore! Gosh, I am so happliy relieved.

Loves.

These three, are some of the most important people in my life, at the moment.

To the left, is Steven. He's the bestest friend I could ever ask for.
In the middle, is Miles. I can't explain what he means to me. To be simple? I love him more than air.
And to the right, is Krystal. She just may be the best chick friend I have. To be honest. I trust her with everything.
I love these three, so very much.

All the world's a stage...

I bought the book, Journals today. Kurt Cobain had one extremely complex, and somewhat disturbing mind. I think he's one of the most interesting, amazing people to ever live. A few writers whom I absloutely admire, and am completely inspired by:




I wish I was left handed.

Perfect Week.

"13 miles down the road lives a young boy
Hes got jet black hair and blue green eyes
And he's mine."

Blink, how you tell my life, so perfectly.
This week was absolutely flawless.
Bombing my algebra 2 finals, writing instead.



You're the balloon, I'm the wrist, and the knot is the symbol of us never letting go.

Creeper.

It's on the horizon. The success, the happiness, everything.
I'm putting my all into everything, and it's all going to have a great outcome, I can feel it.

A genuine smile is a breath away.

Lust.

"I kissed her lips
she pulled my hair."
;From the girls' point of view, of course. It'll take a while for you kids to interpret that.

I picked the right nail polish color! :]
I believe it will get much easier, once I'm done being grounded.



Let's be like them.

Goodnight;

A few thoughts;

^I cannot wait until this issue comes out. I am buying two copies, no doubt.
I am jealous of a dude. That is just plain sad.
I hate my nose.
I want to be a vegetarian so bad.
I have a plan on how my room is going to look, once I have it all to myself.
God, I hope that happens soon.
My mom waits fifteen years to tell me that insomnia is in my genetics, thanks to her. How nice of you to say so now, mother.
Is it a sickness when you're constantly thirsty?


Em, yah. That's all for now, yo.

Unafraid and Unashamed

Ew. I looked like crap today, haha. 30STM, what happened to you? I've been waiting for four years, I believe that to be far more than long enough.

Wow, love. You surprised me today. Thank you for making my day exponentially great. :]

So, as I feel this is only getting stronger by the day, another relationship is dwindling. And it all comes down to one person. She is causing problems for more than one person now, without even realizing it. I do not understand this new person that she's become. I thought it was for the better, but underneath all the sweetness, it's not pretty at all. Hun, I love you, but you're breaking my best friend's heart, and slowly hurting others in the process. Please just be honest with everyone.

So, for the first time, I do not have to be ashamed of my "leader". Today, we are able to speak the four most amazing words of all time: "Former President George Bush". How great is that? I have high hopes in President Obama, as does most of this country. I believe he will slowly but surely lead this country into success, once again.

I don't know what you're up to kid. Truth be told, I'm kinda scared as to what it is you're going to tell me. We'll find out, I suppose.

Reality.

Reality check:
I don't want to lose you as a friend.
Although, I do not consider you my bestfriend.
I know I haven't been the best person to you.
But neither have you.
Bringing it up again is pointless though; neither of us can change the past.
At this point in time. I don't believe I have a bestfriend.
I have friends that I trust, and friends that I don't.
To be honest, you're not one of the people I trust.
With some things, yes. But nothing that I really care about.
I don't want to lose you as a friend.
But we can stop with this charade of labeling each other "best friend".



So yesterday night/early this morning, I got a random call from my boy and Krystal. So entertaining, and so hilarious. I think it's essential to think of you're significant other as also, one of your best friends. That phone call made me realize that I have that. Those two are honestly, some of the most important people in my life right now. They are my motivation, to pull through all this crap, and better myself.

"it's me and you."
-RR

Every word feels like a slap in the face. And everyone else has the faith.
It's charging me up, it's filling me up, my eyes are wider than ever before.
And none of it is because of you.
I'm here to prove you wrong.
I'm an eclipse of what everyone though I would be;
a sight unseen only by those who truly appreciate it.
Oh, how I wish you'd care enough to see.

Let's see. Who does this remind you of?

It's never what you think.

"Just when you think something different about someone, they go and say something like that."

She took the words right out of my mouth.

I can talk to so many more people about things, and so easily. And they understand. Completely.

Ry is right. It's like we're not even really friends. I mean, she's there. She can be cool. But more than half the time, I'm resisting the need to scream at the top of my lungs to "Shut the eff up!" Luis gets it fully. I suppose he's going through the same thing.

I love that my boy is able to talk sense into me, though. I told him I don't like her, but he was quick to say, "No, you don't." And you know what? He's right. It's not that I don't like the girl. I just cannot effing stand her. Alot of the time. I was planning on talking to him about it today, but he had to leave. Regardless, his presence made my day. <3

While looking for a journal like one that Sebastian Valmont had, I came across a book that I absolutely need. It's called Journals. Apparently, it's like, a bunch of Kurt Cobain's personal journals, all wrapped into an almost 4oo page book. It seems so amazingly interesting. Once I finish Breaking Dawn, it is definitely a must-buy.

So, it's a three day weekend. How joyous, home alone for three days. It'll go by quick though, so whatever. I'm off to watch my favorite movie. If you haven't watched the movie "Cruel Intentions", I strongly suggest you do. It's my favorite movie, and the only person I've ever met who loves it as much as I do, let alone has even seen it, is my boyfriend. Although, I love that fact. :] In any event, go watch it.

Um, let's see, deep thought to leave you all with...

Do not be fooled by people who pretend to care. The ones that you can truly call friends are the ones that will really listen, and try to help as best they can.

Become my best friend, will you? I'm in dire need of one.

Starcrossedlovers.

Apparently, I'm bipolar.
Yeh, I'm not going to touch that.
You're so fake. You are such a good friend, but you have no idea how to act like a decent person.
But I won't waste time on hypocrites.

I want a journal. A personal one, like Sebastian Valmont's. So I can write all my true, real thoughts down, as soon as they come to me, and I don't have to hold back anything.

I hate my school do much for doing that. They shouldn't be allowed to do things like what they did today at all.
You see? I'm holding back so much. Someone buy me a vintage looking, blank paged journal. No lined paper, blank pages. Pure white. And a journal with lots of pages, not a cheap one.
How I long to write my mind. The way I need to.

I wanna sing to you, at the top of my lungs, the love song that expresses what you mean to me.
And good or bad, I want to sing to you. And I wanna give you a nickname. Iloveyou. Morethanyouknow.

The Lovers, The Desperate, The Liars, and The Truth. (Whether You Can Handle It Or Not)

We are all new age dictators. We have the armies, only slightly more sophisticated. Our heart, minds, and actions are the weapons. And just like those destructive wars, they can hurt or heal. It all depends on what side of the enemy lines you stand on. But what if we're all playing for each other's enemy? And what if we can't even distinguish the enemy anymore?

I swear, the people I surround myself with. We're all connected somehow. A bunch of bestfriends, mended friendships, newly un-enemies, broken relationships, and even one guy that doesn't even go to our school. It would be the most complicated tree of connections I've ever drawn out, if I had to really explain it. And I have two of them. Gosh, I love the people I hang out with. It reminds me of those overexaggerated shows on tv, minus all the rich blonde kids and sex.

I find it hilarious, how one person thinks they know and have it all, when they really have no idea. Today I found out that some people trust me more than this girl would have ever thought. And she thinks she's the one they trust. She's a good friend and all but...gosh. She really has no clue about the real truth. And I do. And I'm not telling. I'm not trying to start problems like before, that would not do anyone any good. But. Hypocrites irritate me more than anything. And I have to hear it EVERY DAY. And it's so sad that I know the truth, and she doesn't. But then again, it's nice to be the one that those people trust.

I want to get lost in that Pacific breeze. It's summer time kids. No, don't listen to the weatherman or those pointless papers with the squares telling you there is such a thing as a day going by. That's not real. It's summer time, oh yes it is. I'm celebrating by the baring legs and smiling all day. You should try it. And don't worry about that silly thing that people always talk about. Time? Is that what they're calling it? No, no. I'll tell you what really exists. What really exists is the moments to live for. Like spending time with those kids that you can trust. I don't use bestfriend anymore. I know who I can trust, and I'll be with them before the shallow kids who pretend and blah blah blah. Not even worth it. No, the things that exist are, the friends that make you smile no matter what, the effort of making time for that, and the kid that gives you butterflies. In my case, I'd like to call that the kid who holds my heart. To the kid who holds mine; forget how I word things. I don't understand myself half the time. This stuff going on, I'll always be there for you. But don't worry about it affecting us. My love.

Look up at the moon and sing your wishes. Tomorrow, the sun will sing back, "Granted."

Dear You,

Hello ma'am. Before I start this letter, I would like to acknowledge the fact that, I do realize that I do not know who you are at all. I would like you to understand that, as you may not know, you have caused me the most pain I think I could ever endure.
Now, I know I have never met you at all. However, from everything I have heard about you, you seem to be the person I most despise, and I am superbly glad I have never met you. If I had, I would not be able to resist wanting to rip you apart. It seems as though everything you do is horrible, and thought of only from the perspective of what would give you pleasure. You disgust me.
I would like you to know that this thing that you have recently done, may be the worst you could have possibly done. I don't know how or why you did this. But you've caused him and his family more crap than should have ever been allowed. But by doing what you have now. You've gone way too far. And you've hurt me in the process. I cannot nearly imagine what this is like for him, but I can tell you how I feel. Let me tell you a story.
A kid sees this toy in a window, and immeadiately falls in love with it. He does everything he can to earn it. And on Christmas, his parents get it for him. And he is so completely happy with his toy, he's been happier than he's ever been. And then, on new year's day. His parents take it away from him, and tell him sorry, but he can't have it anymore. And the toy sort of took away a part of the kid; the part that was the only happiness in him.

By doing what you have done, you are destroying me. He is the one thing that brings happiness to my life. He makes me happier than I can put into words. The feeling of his arms around me, looking up at his amazing eyes, the sound of his heartbeat I can hear when I put my head on his chest. Every moment I spend with him is one I wish I could put on pause. He is forever in my heart, and he now holds it. If and when he has to walk away, he will be taking my heart with him. He is the only one I want, and will ever want. No matter what anyone tells me. No matter what happens, he's burned into my memory, and for that, I will never forget him. Which makes the ability to stop loving him, impossible. You are probably just like every other adult though. Thinking I'm stupid and naive to claim feeling this way. But you don't understand. And I don't expect you to. I am in love with this kid. I regret not telling him that in person.
But you, you shouldn't get the privilege of taking this away from both of us. I am praying to God, with everything I have, that he won't have to be away from me.

I don't expect your cruel heart to understand or even care about any of this. I just thought you'd like to know of your ability to make one person, one kid, one that you have never even known the existence of, so miserable that it is internally killing her. You should be proud.

Sincerely,
Alyssa.

Did you know?

Did you guys know that every mistake is somehow related back to me?
And that nothing will ever change?
And that according to some people, I'm not worth having faith in?

Cause I found that out today. Thought I'd tell everyone else.

Unicorns, Earthquakes, and the return of the "Emo" Kid.

Receently I realized how much I really need you. You are honestly, a necessity. At least, you've become one to me. I understand some of the hardships, and I know that life comes with surprises. Sometimes not all good. I pray with everything I have that nothing happens. Others have assured me that it won't, but I can't help but have that possibility stuck in my mind. I feel so selfish for only thinking about how much of a wreck I'd be without you. Then there's how you feel; I can't even imagine. It would be taking away the one thing I live for; you. It only gives me even more reasons to hate Oregon. Always stealing the ones I love. Why can't that deserted state find it's own people? And stop taking mine. It's not going to happen. In my mind, I'm set. If you ever left, I would never see my heart again.
Listen to "Beautiful Blue Eyes" by Chiodos. Then you'll understand how much I love you.

So apparently wearing all black makes me "emo". Stereotypes, where would us angsty teenagers ever be without you. I could care less about what people call me. My own best friend called me that. But it was "as a joke". Hmm...where have I heard that before? Speaking of which, some of my friends, actually just one in particular, has been getting under my skin lately. She's getting back to that annoyance. Maybe it's just me. I felt like I was being sort of a beyotch today. But I can't help but get annoyed at people who contradict themselves; especially when what they're contradicting is their own hatrid for "hypocrites". Ironic, isn't it?
Back to the subject though, I like Bree's theory; I looked like a "smaller, girl version of my boyfriend". I actually appreciate that comment, haha.

I also feel like some people are getting to be better friends than some of my original ones. I plan on broadening my horizons a little more when it comes to friendships. I feel like I can trust a certain group more than others. But, that will only cause more problems. Too bad I don't care.

Finals are coming up. I'm dead. Although, I've been doing better at school. That should be a heads-up.

Happy birthday, mom.
xx

Sing with me.

How rad is this shirt? Really rad, I'd say. I've had it since I was in 7th grade. Isn't it sad how almost two years later, I still fit exactly the same in it? Hahaha.
"You stick to me." Love, I wish I was permanently stuck to you. Every single day, you make me feel even more special. You're incredible. Em yeu anh..? Or however Jenny said it.
Speaking of Ms. Ho, she is going to learn the rest of "Bigcitydreams" by nevershoutnever! so we can sing it to people. Since our only act at the moment is "I'm Your's" by Jason Mraz. I feel so insignificant compared to Jenny, her voice is so amazing. That girl can sing like there's no tomorrow. One day, she's going to be known world-wide, and I'll have known her for real, so HA! ;]
I need new v-necks.
Bittersweet insomnia is back.
Anyways. I can go on and on about the little things about you that amaze me as they become more apparent to me, by each day; but I'll leave that stuff to grace my dreams about you for now.

Spaghetti Dreams

"she's dreaming of him i'm dreamingofher."-RR

Or vice versa, in this case. Iloveyou.

Woke up to radio hosts talking about how ridiculous some popular New Year's resolutions are. One of the reasons why I hate the radio; full of shallow people like that. Different people have their own goals, it's not right to criticize them.

Speaking of this new year. I mostly had a goal of dropping all the stupid stuff that happened in the past. After realizing how completely rude I had been. To some people, at one point. I never realized that I was not my own person. I listened and agreed with almost everything my friends did. Even the stuff I knew was wrong. And that, my dear friends, was wrong. I personally don't like to say I regret anything, but there are somethings that I wish I could have never done. Like being mean to some of the nicest people, for no effing reason. I feel terrible for that. I don't even deserve to have what I do. Especially the chance, that one girl gave me. A girl that I feel the most horrible about. I knew it was wrong at the time, and I said those things anyways. Idiotic follower. My 8th grade name. In any case, today was a turning point. This girl is giving me the chance I've always wished for. And I can't thank her enough. Erase the past year? I'd be more than happy to. I made a new friend today; one that I should have had a long time ago. Let's see where it goes.

By the way, your eyes are far more amazing than mine. Why, you ask?

Because they have the ability to make me fall even more in love, just by gazing into them. I love looking up to you.

Nick Santino said it best.

"I'm in love with you, are you in love with me too?"

It's like that slow motion scene in all those movies.

That heartbeat; the most soothing sound in the world.

My head was never the same, unless it was rested on your chest. My place.

The best gift you could give me, is being you. Being mine.

And you agreed with me. I'll never forget that. :]

I think I love you, kid.

Maybe I should tell you soon.

School couldn't have felt better today. Although, everyone kept telling me that I look different. No one could pinpoint it, and I didn't notice anything at all. But it seems everyone else made big changes, in their appearances, at least. Everything is starting to change, for the better, and I love it. Things are looking up. Yay for life!

That One Rockette Girl That Inspires My Life; KC<3

"Whisper babe, I'm as good as it gets in this town..whisper babe, i'm a fever you can't sweat out.."-RR
So I only finished my research paper.
And I'm proud of it. Shocker.
I have one hero trait done for my other project.
Antigone; no.


I don't feel that great.
Justin Timberlake is amazing, no matter what you kids say.

this will all be better tomorrow.
youreyeswillmakemebetter.

Beauty Queen

When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head
And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere
Subway makes me nervous people pushing me too far
I've got to break away
So take my hand now
'Cause I want to live like animals
Careless and free like animals
I want to live
I want to run through the jungle
With wind in my hair and the sand at my feet
I've been having difficulties keeping to myself
Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf
Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie
Which one is more human
There's a thought, now you decide
Compassion in the jungle
Compassion in your hands, yeah
Would you like to make a run for it
Would you like to take my hand, yeah
Sometimes this life can get you down
It's so confusing
There's so many rules to follow
And I feel it
'Cause I just run away in my mind.


So guilt means nothing, nowadays. I'm fine with that. Just know when to press the stop button for yourself, and not to wait around for the other person to ask where the remote is. It was the virginized equivalent of a one night stand. I'm not happy with either of you. But it was no big deal. I trust you, I love him. And that sickness of mine brought with it some conversation I thought we'd never have. It may not have had any true result; but it gave me some hope. And well, you've also proved the love between he and I. Shocking how you of all people, gave me self-esteem. Or some form of it. For the record, you're not too bad. Let's be friends? Well, not so soon, I know. Here's to hoping.