it seems this day has blown by.
come to think of it...this year has been a breath long.

I'm nostalgic about this new year. In case, it's everything I've wanted; a new beginning. A chance to drop everything about this past year, and start over. Like it never happened. But then again, there's the reflection process. Thinking of all the things that have happened this year. In my case, anyway. Friendships were broken, others were repaired, amazingly fun times, lives were changed. Things happened that will always affect my life. And then there was the day that I met Mr. Gentleman. That is one thing that I do not want to leave behind in the dust. My favorite memory; among many unforgettable ones.
Then there's the future; God knows how I hate thinking of that. Agreeing with Bria, there is nothing I hate more than distance and time. I don't want the future to happen. That's all I ever talk about, yet thinking of it has me in tears. Unfortunately, my biggest flaw is that no matter what my confidence contradicts, I am a complete pessimist. The future means growing up. Freshman year will end in a few months, if I think about it. And the rest of the years will go by just as quickly. The future means the inevitable ending of things; some things that I won't be able to bear to let go. I wish life came with an optional remote control. To fast forward all the bad things. The heartbreak, the lies, the tears, the deceptions. To rewind all the amazing moments. The fun times, the laughter, the bonding, the things that make everyone closer. A pause button, to savor the moments that were nothing short of perfect. Like the day I met Mr. Gentleman. Or the amazing times. Don't get me wrong, they're still going, but the future is inevitable. And lastly, a stop button. To stop life whenever you want. Not just for you, but for everyone, for the people that are sick, and the people that have their whole life ahead of them.
At some point, I'm going to have to move away. We're all going to go our separate ways.
I don't want to move far away from my family, to where they can't see me everyday.
I don't ever want to live without my friends.
I don't ever want my heart to be in anyone's hands but his.
I don't want the future at all.
And in one more breath, it'll all be gone.
I'll be walking up, receiving my diploma.
I'll be on that plane, flying to Manhattan.
Waving goodbye to everything and everyone that made my entire life.


So for now. I'm going to stay in love with my first love. I'm going to laugh with my friends. I'm going to hang out with my family. I am going to be the fifteen year old that I am.
And pray that my mind will let me live like this forever.
...or at least a little slower.